Dating can provide some of our most joyous moments in life, and simultaneously some of our most awkward. The whole romance game is filled with twists and turns that are sure to create laborious experiences for even the most savvy seductresses.
A confident woman is a woman who has a positive self-esteem, has a strong belief in her own abilities, and is comfortable with who she is. A confident woman is a woman who has high self-esteem, is authentic, assertive, resilient, independent, empathetic and seeks fulfillment in all aspects of her life. She is able to face challenges with confidence and maintain a positive self-image, while respecting others and cultivating healthy relationships.
Here are 8 dating mistakes even confident women make…
1) Drinking too much to calm your nerves
We know this second cocktail is probably not the best idea, but we order it anyway.
For many of us, alcohol is an integral part of social events.
From an early age, we are taught that it is a shortcut to fun and relaxation.
So much so that we can become addicted to it to calm our nerves. We use it as a social crutch to mask insecurity.
We hope it will free us of our inhibitions so that we feel less afraid and vulnerable just by being ourselves.
I don't preach. Personally, I drink.
But that doesn't mean I don't recognize how it can be a potentially destructive force. Or how we use it in some unhealthy ways to hide our feelings.
On a date, drinking too much is usually a really bad idea.
We can end up doing things or saying things we don't mean and regretting later.
Staying fully aware of our actions on a date is always a better choice.
2) Talking too much about yourself
Yes really, I am totally guilty of loving the sound of my own voice too much.
I'm a self-confessed talker. And that means that on many occasions I have dominated the conversation.
When you are confident, you feel comfortable making conversation. That in itself is a good thing.
As long as it doesn't spill over and monopolize the conversation. Because it just feels self-centered.
Research conducted by Harvard scientists revealed that, especially when we meet someone new, we often talk a lot about ourselves.
But the same researchers also noted that this type of behavior – that is, keeping the focus on ourselves – diminishes our sympathy.
3) Not asking enough questions on your date
Even if you remain discreet and let the other person talk more, this also has its drawbacks.
Because a dialogue must involve two people.
If we say very little, we risk appearing disengaged or indifferent.
One of the things that makes us instantly more likeable is to ask lots of questions.
But we fail to do this if we get lost (as above) or if we are too nervous and forget to ask.
Asking questions is simply being curious. It shows that we care and are genuinely interested in the other person.
That's kind of the point of dating.
It is by asking questions that we get to know ourselves better, but we may not do so in the heat of the moment.
4) Sharing too much information too soon
I like to think of myself as an open book. While honesty and sincerity are important, so are dignity and restraint.
I know that I have probably crossed the line between the two on more than one occasion.
There's a proper rule for things.
We must wait until we have established a strong, trusting connection before we begin to reveal our deepest, darkest secrets.
If you are a naturally genuine, friendly and trusting woman, you too may have fallen into the trap.
Sharing is good, but oversharing can be a little too intense or downright inappropriate.
5) Pushing too hard
Them: “Well that was nice, we'll do it again sometime”
You: “Absolutely, tomorrow?”
Them: “Well, uh, I'm not sure, I may have plans”
You: “Okay, what about after tomorrow?”
Obviously, I'm joking. But I'm doing it to make an important point.
Because even though I'm the last person to advocate gambling in dating, there are unwritten rules in dating.
And one of the main ones is that clingy, desperate behavior is not sexy.
In order to increase desire, we want to feel like something is somewhat unattainable.
Because the truth is that the more rare and in demand something is, the more we want it.
If you are too enthusiastic, you feel like you are on sale.
And while we all like to get a good deal, it's probably less so in the realm of love.
Even when you're confident, there can be a fine line between being confident and becoming too pushy.
Don't lay all your cards on the table, keep some in your pocket.
6) Trying too hard to impress and not being yourself
Okay, contradiction alert.
Because I just said don't share too much and don't reveal too soon how you feel.
But now I'm about to suggest that you don't pretend and be yourself.
I can understand how this seems to be an unfair inconsistency.
But this is slightly different.
Because even though you may want to hold back some things, it's still very important to be yourself.
The tricky part is that dating can feel a bit like a job interview.
We want to make a good impression and show our best side.
It's understandable, but lying on your resume can be penalizing. And many of us sort of do that when we're on a date.
We try to inflate our ego in hopes that it will show the other person how epic we are.
But in reality, you run the risk of looking like a show-off. Bragging is always a big obstacle.
For most of my dating years, I think I was often trying to look a little cooler than I really was.
This “cool girl” image that I was putting on, pretended to be much more laid back than it really was.
I was so afraid of looking uptight or demanding that I often wasn't clear about what I wanted.
7) Not being honest about what you want
I've literally lost track of friends who ended up dating someone who wasn't looking for the same things they were.
But they hold on to the false hope that the other person might change their mind later.
We pretend to be okay with casual when we are looking for the long haul. Or we fail to mention that we are rather allergic to relationships.
The reason? Because we don't want to scare anyone.
But when we keep this kind of important information to ourselves, it always ends up penalizing us.
We only delay the inevitable when we are not upfront with others about how we feel and what we want.
And that means we are more likely to hurt ourselves, or them, in the process.
Finding the strength to be honest isn't always easy, but it's about having enough self-respect and self-esteem to stay true to yourself.
8) Not setting clear boundaries from the start
A few years ago, I was dating someone who suddenly disappeared for a few days.
We were supposed to meet again, but I never heard from him again.
Several days later, he texted me with a pathetic excuse that was not believable.
And I let him know that he had hurt my feelings.
I wished him well in the future and made it clear that we were going to part ways.
Don't get me wrong, I was very disappointed. Part of me wanted to accept his lame apology because I didn't like the truth.
But I knew I had no choice. Because many bitter disappointments in my love history taught me a very hard lesson:
Things continue as they started.
This means that the way someone treats you in the beginning is most likely the way they will continue to treat you in any relationship that may follow.
Setting boundaries takes a lot of courage. We may be tempted to accept less than we deserve because we feel we really want it.
But the fact remains, people can only treat you as you allow yourself to be treated.
That means creating clear boundaries. Because we ignore the warning signs at our peril ladies.
- 1) Drinking too much to calm your nerves
- 2) Talking too much about yourself
- 3) Not asking enough questions on your date
- 4) Sharing too much information too soon
- 5) Pushing too hard
- 6) Trying too hard to impress and not being yourself
- 7) Not being honest about what you want
- 8) Not setting clear boundaries from the start