In fact, between 13 and 16 percent of people between the ages of 20 and 30 have slept with someone else during their relationship, according to a study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.
Of course, you can't stop looking for love for fear that your partner will cheat on you, but you can learn a few anecdotes about it. For example, you'll want to be careful if your husband (or wife) starts wondering when you're coming home, as this could be a sign that he or she is doing things that he or she doesn't want you to know about. If he or she asks you what you think would happen if that happened, you can assume that it has crossed his or her mind.
Here we've gathered suggestions from international relationship experts to pinpoint some common phrases that people will say if they want to cheat on you (or if they already are).
“In the hypothetical case”
What would you do if your partner asked you, “If this happened…what would happen?” If he or she asked you this question, you should consider that he or she is really thinking about going through with it, or at least is not happy with the way your relationship is going.
“When the idea of having sex is in the air, I often hear a partner tell me about a certain type of person they like, a certain place, a certain time of day they'd like to do it, or they may even name someone directly,” explains Racine Henry . These hypothetical questions, warns Racine Henry, often lead to “unintentional horns”.
Change of look
“If your wife has had the same haircut for 10 years and then comes home one day with a drastic change, it could mean she wants to impress someone else,” says Jonathan Bennett. Affairs are not just about sex. They often have little to do with the other person, but rather the individual's struggle with their own identity.
If he frequently accuses you of cheating on him, it's because he's the one doing it.
We change when we want to get a promotion at work, when we reach an important age (30, 40 or 50)… or when we start a new relationship. So if your boyfriend suddenly changed his hairstyle, grew a beard (if it's him), changed his make-up for no apparent reason, just because he “needed a new look”, there is a good chance that he is giving you a hard time.
You never know where he is
If you often say, “Oh, I don't know. I guess he's either at work or I have no idea,” then you've got tomato. A person in a committed relationship should be able to tell anyone where their partner is when they are not together. However, a person on the verge of cheating (intentionally or unintentionally) will stop explaining to their partner, if only to try to forget that they are mad at them in the first place.
“How could he/she do it so wrong? Is he/she stupid or what?” Although the person who cheats (or contemplates cheating) is the one who is wrong, he/she is often also the one who tries to put the other person down and cause trouble by feeling guilty about his/her own thoughts or actions.
If he had a very high libido or no longer behaves the same way, he already has someone to spend his nights with.
People who are unfaithful often have a bad conscience that leads to mood swings. Suddenly your partner is very sweet and attentive to you, and the next minute he or she is throwing a big tantrum because of something he or she thinks you did wrong. This happens mostly to women who cheat on their partners, as men are much more tolerant of this double standard.
Bethany Ricciardi explains, “Your partner can feel better if she makes you feel bad about yourself. If she is more hostile and aggressive without a reasonable explanation, you can sit down with her to assess your situation and determine if you can do anything about it.”
If the usual excuse is suddenly “I'm sorry, I didn't answer you because I had a lot of things to do at work” worry. If he/she used to answer you instantly or worry about you every hour and now there is nothing, it is a sign that something is wrong.
Then there are the “new schedules,” the late night “meetings,” the weekend “business trips,” the “conferences he/she has to attend out of obligation” … …. And if you ask him about his work commitments and he answers evasively and without looking you in the eye, it is very clear.
Unfortunately, the work environment is very dangerous. Even if he hasn't considered cheating on you before, a promotion that offers lots of travel opportunities or a change in friends and status can make infidelity not seem such a bad idea. In this case, don't hesitate to talk about it before something happens that you don't want to happen.
If, at the time of intercourse, there is a new proposal, something strange is going on. If he says, “Why don't you try this position today? something is going on. If your partner is trying to spice things up in the bedroom, it may be a sign that he or she finds the current situation mediocre and unsatisfying. And while it's good that you're still trying to save your relationship, it could also be a sign that he or she is about to find that satisfaction in other sheets.
If your partner has suddenly changed his or her hairstyle, grown a beard, or changed his or her makeup for no reason, there's a good chance he or she is hitting on you.
And if he's too different when it comes to doing it, there's probably nothing you can do. If she used to have a very high libido, and it has gone down, and vice versa, or she doesn't behave the same way anymore, it's because she's already spent new nights with someone else. He used to want to have sex with you every night and now he always has something to do, or he wants to have sex a lot more than before because he feels guilty and doesn't want you to surprise him. Any significant change in the bed deserves to be suspected.
“I feel like you don't appreciate me” or “You don't appreciate me enough” are two phrases you should write down in your head. A person's insecurities can interfere with relationships in several important ways. A person who feels this way will not only question whether they are worthy of being with someone and create problems that don't exist, but they will also seek validation elsewhere, i.e., by sleeping with other people. In doing so, she seeks to build her self-confidence and confirm that she is good enough, regardless of the effects this may have on her relationship.
“You're cheating on me.”
Ironically, an easy way to tell if your spouse is cheating on you is if he or she often accuses you of doing so: “I bet you're cheating on me” . “This is often a sign of self-competition, and he will also blame you, which will make him constantly defensive and distracted,” says Ricciardi. “It's really manipulative…because he gets so angry during the conversation that you start to think he hates infidelity and would never do that to you, when in fact he already has,” she adds.