My husband, Jonathan, was not my usual type of man. We worked together in the same company, and he tended to propose friendly activities to me, with no ulterior motives.
At first, I rejected his invitations, explaining to my friends that he was not my type at all. I preferred men who were older and more powerful than me. Jonathan was just a year older than me and had the same job as me.
Yet he was very patient and persistent. He continued to offer me activities despite my refusals, but never with insistence or pressure. As the months passed, my friends began to doubt my claims. They wondered if there was something going on between Jonathan and me.
I assured them no, that we were just friends. In fact, I was pretty sure that we weren't attracted to each other.
Jonathan had had a girlfriend previously, a shy brunette girl, very different from me. I'm tall, blond, athletic and outgoing. We didn't seem to be right for each other.
His previous girlfriend was very short, dark-haired and introverted. I'm tall, athletic, blonde and outgoing. We were clearly not compatible. But I was 30 when I met him, and soon I was 31.
I felt my biological clock start to tick.
As for Jonathan, whenever we passed a baby in a stroller or passed a child in a restaurant, he always smiled, because he really wanted to start a family.
“Do you want to have children?” he asked me one night as we dined out.
“I would have loved to, but I've accepted the fact that it will probably never happen,” I replied. “I've made up my mind.”
He was so understanding that my eyes filled with tears.
I had recently been in therapy to understand why my relationships with men were a disaster. I was sobbing during my sessions and would come into the office with mascara running down my face.
One morning I arrived in a particularly terrible state, still in tears. Suddenly he was at my desk. He didn't ask me if I was okay because it was obvious that I wasn't. Instead, he told me to go home and he said, “I'm not okay. Instead, he told me to go home and rest. And then he called to see if I was better.
That's when I knew.
Then one day Jonathan invited me to the movies, a few blocks from his apartment. My closest office friend wasn't convinced. She said he was probably going to ask me to come over and make a pass at me.
Jonathan offered to show me his apartment, and he made a pass at me. The next day he asked me to marry him.
At our wedding, I was so afraid to get married that I almost fainted. Again, Jonathan was there to help me stand. Panicked, I kept thinking desperately, “But that's not my style!”
I knew he was smart, talented and interesting. But unlike some of the men I had dated before him, he was also honest, trustworthy, and reliable.
When I saw him playing with other people's children, I knew he would be a wonderful father. He was calm and steady in all situations, and I felt that I could count on him as a husband no matter what challenges came up.
He had a mature understanding of what commitment meant, and he craved it. His kindness to me reflected the way he interacted with the rest of the world. He was the kind of man who helped old ladies cross the street.
However, when we have dinner parties with our friends, he tends to speak only if he really has something to say. But when he does speak, his opinions are intelligent and insightful, often containing unexpected ideas.
When he feels comfortable around people, he is absolutely hilarious.
And despite the difference in our backgrounds, our values have proven to be compatible with almost everything, including parenthood.
Jonathan and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary recently, our children are now 7 and 5.
We share a life together. My heart still races every time I hear his voice on the phone.
Finally, I realize that a successful relationship is the product of many factors; compatibility is certainly one of them. But timing is just as important. Not only do you have to want the same things, but you have to want them at the same time.
When I met Jonathan, we were at the same stage of life. So why didn't I recognize him as a soul mate?
The fact that he didn't check all the boxes on my list only shows you how absurd such a list is.
To me, love is more like a plant. When you scatter seeds in the ground, you never know which ones will sprout. While some may die, the strong ones continue to grow for years.
I was an intern at the editorial office. When I saw their ad for a freelancer, I decided to come back. I'm a fan of series and movies, I spend my weekends at the cinema and my nights in front of Netflix