No More Secrets: The Obvious Signs That An Affair Is Finished

Evidence suggests that the strongest sign that an affair is over arguably isn't what a partner says or does, but how it makes the other partner feel

If you've clicked here, perhaps it's out of simple curiosity or because you really care about your relationship. Research seems to corroborate that the notion that when love is over you don't even realize it is a pure fallacy, as it is often predictable. Evidence suggests that the strongest sign that a romance is over is arguably not what a partner says or does, but how it makes the other feel.

That is, if you feel that your partner has disconnected emotionally, chances are they have. The ‘silent resignation' can be very obvious, such as starting to make plans with other people and not with you. In the end actions speak louder than words, and a partner's behavior speaks volumes.

As reported by ‘Psychology Today‘, a study conducted by Park Yoobin in 2021 investigated the link between lack of intimacy and the likelihood of relationship dissolution. They found that couples who perceived lower levels of reward in their relationship were more likely to end and that this effect was significant even after controlling for relationship satisfaction and attachment insecurity.

If you feel your partner has become emotionally disconnected, chances are they have

Park's findings related to feeling reward validated the importance of intimacy within a romantic relationship, corroborating previous findings that intimate connection is one of the fundamental reasons people stay in a relationship. They also note that because there may be a difference in the extent to which people value intimacy or consider it a “reward,” there may also be a difference in the predictive power of reward breakdown. Park and company report that their analyses supported this possibility by showing that reward did not predict breakup as strongly for people who place less value on intimacy.

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How to tell if the end is near

There are some signs you can spot, related to the presence or absence of something as important as intimacy.

Barriers. Some people start to pull away by building walls, either physically (a couple starts looking to spend more time in a different room), or emotionally (sharing less information). Clearly, building boundaries is an obstacle to moving forward into the future.

Unless it is because of a significant change that could lead to depression (loss of a loved one, illness, loss of a job…) lack of affection is often a sign that the relationship is faltering

Withdraw affection. If your partner has lost interest in intimacy and romance, it's normal to want to know why. Unless it's because of a significant change that could lead to depression (loss of a loved one, illness, loss of a job…) lack of affection is usually a sign that the relationship is faltering.

Seek out new people. A person who wants to continually go out, socialize and attend events alone may be demonstrating a preference for singleness. You can respectfully ask the reasons or justification for the change in preference, but consider whether there will ever be an acceptable response to the desire to spend time socializing without you.

Starting over

These tests are not foolproof, of course, but they could be signs that something is wrong if you have a fly in the ointment. Think that if your relationship comes to an end it's not the end of the world, it could be the beginning of a new chapter. Breakups happen to most people at some point, and many breakups have more to do with the partner who causes the dissolution. If your behavior caused a breakup, you can learn from it and move on, stronger and wiser.