Signs that your partner lacks emotional intelligence

Discover the signs that your partner lacks emotional intelligence, an essential quality for enjoying a healthy married life with smooth communication. If you lack this skill, you can learn to acquire it through psychological therapy.

What is emotional intelligence and why is it important in a relationship?

Emotional intelligence within a couple is crucial to the longevity of the relationship. This skill, which involves identifying, processing and communicating feelings to the other person, is essential to maintaining open, sincere and honest communication. It is not the same as empathy, but rather a higher level: it is about finding common ground in conflicts and dealing with each other's emotions in a responsible and conscious manner.

“When someone has a good level of emotional intelligence, he is able to adapt, communicate effectively and resolve conflicts easily,” says psychotherapist Lisa Lawless in a recent article published in Best Life. “They can also offer their partner vital emotional support, as well as great trust and intimacy.”

Signs that show a lack of emotional intelligence in your partner

Here are some signs that your partner lacks emotional intelligence:

1. They don't accept your feelings

When you confide in your partner that something has hurt you, how does he/she react? There are two possible responses: either he/she acknowledges and accepts that you may have been hurt, or he/she ignores you, minimizes the importance of your feelings and even accuses you of being hysterical. This is one of the first signs of a lack of emotional intelligence, especially because he/she does not respond in an empathetic way. Even if he/she doesn't agree with how you feel, if he/she doesn't accept it or put him/herself in your shoes, it's a very bad sign.

2. They get carried away quickly

When you are frustrated or upset about something and point it out to your partner, the logical reaction is to try to figure out why the problem occurred. If your partner gets so angry that he or she loses control of his or her emotions, this may indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. Watch for typical tantrums in young children to detect these attitudes. “They often react with anger, which is very concerning because it shows a lack of self-control and a lack of understanding of the impact of their behavior on others,” says Candance Kotkin-De Carvalho, social worker and therapist.

3. They remain impassive in the face of problems

If your partner suddenly makes jokes in the middle of an argument where you are emotionally involved, it shows a complete lack of empathy. The same is true if you are discussing a topic of personal concern and your partner suddenly changes the subject or avoids giving his or her opinion. If you point out that he/she is not taking the situation seriously enough and he/she defends himself/herself by saying that there is nothing wrong with his/her behaviour, this is a bad sign.

4. They constantly interrupt you or try to be the center of attention

This can also be the case if your partner constantly interrupts you when you are talking about something less important, or if you are in a social gathering with friends and he/she cannot help but be the center of attention, monopolizing the talk. In these situations, it would be best to consult a psychological professional so that he/she becomes aware of his/her attitude and can correct it.

5. They always blame you

As is obvious, another sign that reveals a lack of emotional intelligence is always blaming you for everything that goes wrong in their life. “It's much easier to blame someone else because they don't want to acknowledge their role or the natural consequences of their behavior,” says psychotherapist James Miller. Their failure to acknowledge their part in what's happening may be due to an inability to manage and process the feelings of guilt and shame associated with their bad actions.

In conclusion, it is important to stay alert to these signs that reveal a lack of emotional intelligence in your partner. If you see many of these behaviors, it may be time to seek professional help to improve communication and mutual understanding within your relationship.