The best tips for flirting by message with a person you like and you just met

In the world of dating and , there is never a and set rule on what to do to win. But there are a number of that can help you.

When you get to know someone, the only thing that matters is spending time with him or her. In this sense, physical contact and presence are more important. If you met through a third , it's likely that you'll pressure your mutual friends to set up another date (called “shippeo” in dating lingo and “” in its more traditional form). And if it's a chance meeting, where there are no other people involved, you'll at least have his or her cell phone or . Then you'll be wondering how to reach him or her to continue getting to know them.

The best thing to do in these cases is not to overdo it. If you want someone to like you, it's best not to be heavy-handed. It's also important to avoid revealing your intentions prematurely, forcing an early statement or throwing away a card without justification. It is important to be subtle and imaginative without falling into explicit “flirting”. You can start a conversation about the last topic you discussed when you were together. You can also simply send a picture or an emoticon that will let him or her know you are thinking about him or her.

“Don't go into detail about what you do all the time, but let him or her know you're thinking about him or her.”

Anyway, relationship expert and couples therapist Laurel House says one of the best tips for forcing that telematic connection is to let him or her know when you're doing something fun and remembering that person. But be careful: just once. “Text her when you're out of town.” suggests an article by Life Hacker, which also refers to a situation where it is impossible to meet. “Don't go into detail about what you do all the time, but let him or her know you're thinking about him or her.” And, as we said, only once, because if you write too much, it shows that you are not having a good time.

Get to know his or her likes and dislikes (and act on them)

The expert mentions two other very effective to show her that you are interested in her, or at least thinking about her. The first is to send her an article on a topic you think she might find interesting. It could be a topic of conversation you had the last time you were together or something he or she really likes. And second, a song on YouTube. “Just pick the right song so your partner doesn't overanalyze the lyrics,” House says. In other words, you can choose a song that's about , but not too cheesy, because then your intentions would remain very open.

Don't settle for “good morning” and “good night” until you've verified that the interest is truly mutual.

In this type of budding relationship, the spark usually occurs when you are face to face, so you need to set the stage for your next encounter. Of course, you should check her interest level right from the start. If you see that she's not receptive or doesn't give you feedback showing mutual interest, forget it. But if you see that there is a feeling between you and the relationship is going well, take the opportunity to try to meet him or her as soon as possible.

House also recommends that you don't send “how was your day” messages until you've met at least a second time. Of course, don't send messages or pictures when you've had a few too many . And don't even think about saying “good morning” and “good night” until you've verified that the interest is truly mutual, because, yes, that does indicate a certain heaviness. Of course, don't declare that you're bored and ask her to tell you something funny. And if not, don't go on and on in your messages and don't switch to a more seductive tone (called sexting) if there is no real, obvious and reciprocal interest between the two of you.

And just in case it goes further? Or less

If you think you have already reached this stage, where the messages become more seductive, choose carefully where you will send them. And above all, make sure that there is consent on his part. Be prepared for the fact that if the recipient sees the message, it may also be seen by many people. There is no guarantee that only the person you are sending it to will receive it. In deciding whether to do this, you need to think about how you would feel if the image were made public, whether you would be happy about it or not. So be careful.

But don't forget that the most important thing, beyond the love or sexual interest you have for the person, is the desire to get to know them and to deepen the relationship. In this sense, make the effort to have interesting and deep conversations with her, which will bring you closer than anything else. Share your story and let her hear yours. And if it's not reciprocated, don't be disappointed: sooner or later, someone else will come along.

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