Burn-out, a word that has been used in recent years to describe the fact of not feeling satisfied with one's professional life and observing symptoms related to anxiety and depression, can also be extrapolated to other spheres such as intimate or emotional relationships.
Especially when despair overwhelms you and, looking around, you realize that you are the only one without someone special by your side. Okay, people will tell you, you have to make an effort. Meet people, don't close yourself off to anything. But you still can't do it, and then you may think there's something wrong with you, which, unless it's very obvious, is a mistake.
In fact, looking for a partner already implies something similar to “looking for a job”, if only in the way it is phrased. If you've had several unsuccessful dates where the right person never shows up, or if you feel like it's an obligation rather than a pleasure, you're probably feeling exhausted at the very least.
“It takes a certain level of vulnerability and emotional capacity to make a genuine connection with someone.
On the other hand, you may find that dating is a huge challenge. Because things have gone wrong a few times, you may feel that as you get to know each other, it is your responsibility to do or say the right thing. Or maybe not finding the right words. If you try too hard to make the other person find you interesting, it will be impossible for you to let go and, therefore, make a real connection with each other.
Overcoming fatigue and frustration
Another sign that you are exhausted from dating is waiting for the other person to cancel your date because you don't have the emotional availability to date them in the present. In this case, you don't have to force yourself to do anything, and if you don't feel like it's the right time, you might as well acknowledge it and put your energy and time into something else.
“Once you know what you want and are honest with yourself about what you are looking for, you will be able to better navigate the dating world.
How do you overcome these negative feelings and get back to wanting to meet someone? First, take a break. Only then can you see the situation from a different perspective and feel like getting emotionally attached to someone again, says relationship psychologist Roxy Zarrabi, who has published an article in Psychology Today in which she discusses this type of burnout.
“Forcing yourself to try again when you already feel burned out will only add to the frustration,” she says. “It takes a certain level of vulnerability and emotional capacity to make a genuine connection with someone. On the other hand, it's also worth assessing what part of dating isn't working for you, because it feels negative. It could be that you are using these apps too much.” Meeting someone and making the magic happen shouldn't be an obsession, so always stay in control and ask yourself if you're doing things automatically or if there's a reasoning behind it.
Take your time
“Once you've identified the aspects of dating that are problematic for you, you can change them,” says Roxy Zarrabi. “For example, you may decide to only talk to a certain number of people so you don't feel overwhelmed or pressured to respond, or to only use the app twice a day. This will allow you to conserve enough energy to stay in touch with people” .
Finally, and most importantly, use this break to analyze your relationship needs. Perhaps you are not looking for anything serious and just want to have fun or meet different people. “When you know what you want and are honest with yourself about what you are looking for, you will be able to navigate the dating world better,” concludes the psychologist. The psychologist concludes that it is best to “make a list of your top five relationship needs”. And above all, be as honest as possible with the people you meet along the way to clarify your intentions and concerns.
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