When we love someone (whether it's a very close friend or a partner), we naturally want to spend more time with him or her and be a part of their life, especially the closer we are.
After all, there is always a reciprocal interest that leads us to ask how he or she is doing and when we can see each other again. This usually happens within a few months of meeting. But then the period of infatuation ends and the relationship stabilizes. We don't even ask when we can see him/her again, because we have become an important part of his/her daily life.
However, relationships are unique in that they never stay the same, especially those with people who are not family (friends or partners). This means that their intensity can vary, and this is the most normal thing in the world, although if the connection decreases, we tend to see this as a negative trait. Ultimately, we can make the mistake of saturating relationships to the point of making them a bit toxic, simply because we are too attached to the other person. This creates dependency, and when this becomes too much, it is best to step back and remember who we are and that we are first and foremost autonomous beings who build alliances of friendship and trust with other beings.
Of course, this is all very easy to say. Managing relationships is never easy, even if we try to manage it with honesty and sincerity. It depends on our intentions and expectations, as well as those of the other person. And even if we don't like it, sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away, especially with people we don't understand very well anymore and if our last encounters with them have not been fruitful.
The importance of demanding time and space
This can happen in a romantic relationship as well as a friendly one. For example, if a couple decides to move in together and one day finds out that it's not at all what they thought it would be, they may consider splitting up again and waiting for the other to miss them so they can get together in the future. Or if, for example, two friends from many years ago now have conflicting interests or have evolved differently in their lives, and every time they get together, they just argue or blame each other. In these cases, the best solution is to distance yourself and hope that in the future their paths, hobbies or vision of life will meet again.
“Not all distancing leads to complete ruptures. It is possible to change the boundaries of a relationship without failure.
As far as relationships are concerned, we live in the illusion that they must always aim high. If not, they will fail. The story is always the same: from the moment we meet someone we like, there is the individual or common projection (and also the social pressure) to spend more time together than with anyone else, then to advance the relationship by moving in together and, if all goes well, why not a marriage? why not a child? The natural tendency of couples is to increase their level of commitment to each other, at the risk of feeling like they are stagnating or no longer giving.
“Not all estrangements lead to complete breakups,” says Meredith Dietz, a variety journalist at Life Hacker who challenged the tendency of romantic couples to want more and more. “It is possible to change the definition and boundaries of a relationship without it being a failure. This in turn depends on your involvement in communicating your insecurities and intentions, and your willingness to reshape your relationship.”
The first thing to do is to define precisely how you want to get along from now on and agree on it together.
The reader is probably thinking of the expression “take leave” which is much more definitive, because that's what you usually say when you want to break up with someone, but you don't yet know why. It is the ace of the breakup, the equivalent of “it's not you, it's me”. It's the fastest and most convenient way to break up with someone you don't want to be with. It's not about looking for a shortcut to break up, but about making a conscious decision to walk away for the good of both of us. All in a reasoned and well explained manner.
A distribution of expectations
To do this, the first thing you need to do is to define precisely how you want to get along from now on or, failing that, agree on it together. You may be two friends who suddenly decided one day to sleep together to see what could happen and now regret it and want to go back on their decision. Or maybe you've recently met someone who, after getting to know them better, turns out not to be who you thought they were. That's why it's important to set clear boundaries. And, more importantly, to stick to them.
To prevent the other person from feeling unjustifiably abandoned, it is best to agree on a series of sporadic meetings in the future, either to talk about the relationship or simply to check in on the other person's life. The other person may not understand and may feel strange; in this case, admit your feelings for them and try to make them understand how changeable they can be at times. “You need to explain why you want your relationship to change in its current state and how you would like it to go in the future,” Dietz says. Dietz continues. “Focus on setting boundaries and leave little room for ambiguity.” In other words: be clear.
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