Losing a loved one is a devastating experience, and finding the right words to express our condolences can be a challenge.
Many of us opt to send sympathy cards as a way to show that we care. However, it's crucial to be mindful of what we write, as certain phrases can come across as dismissive or insensitive. To help you navigate this delicate situation, we've gathered insight from etiquette experts. Read on to discover five things you should never put in a sympathy card.
1. I know exactly how you feel:
It's important to remember that everyone's experience of loss is unique. Don't assume that you understand precisely what the person is going through. Arlene B. Englander, a licensed psychotherapist, highlights the significance of acknowledging each individual's distinct emotions and relationships. Janae Kim, a psychotherapist specializing in trauma and anxiety, advises emphasizing the uniqueness of grief when discussing the death of someone else. Avoid minimizing their experience by making it seem like your own.
2. At least they lived a full life:
Losing someone, regardless of age, is always difficult. Sally Collins, an etiquette expert, warns against using phrases that may diminish the other person's feelings of grief. Saying things like “at least they lived a long life” can be dismissive. It implies that the person shouldn't feel upset or sad because their loved one had a fulfilling life. Remember that grieving is a natural process, regardless of age or life accomplishments.
3. Everything happens for a reason:
This type of message can invalidate a grieving person's pain. Janae Kim advises against mentioning higher plans or implying that the loss has a purpose. Such messages can sound preachy and fail to provide comfort. Instead, meet them where they're at and express empathy. Acknowledge their pain and let them know that you understand how deeply they must be hurting.
4. Religious references:
While some find solace in faith during difficult times, it's essential to be respectful of different beliefs and traditions. Carolina Estevez, a clinical psychologist, suggests avoiding religious messages in sympathy cards unless you are certain the receiver would appreciate it. Including religious references without considering the recipient's belief system can be thoughtless and unsympathetic, potentially exacerbating their pain.
5. I'm sorry for your loss:
Although this phrase is frequently used, it may come across as cliched and impersonal. Licensed mental health counselor Hannah Mayderry recommends acknowledging the unique pain the individual is feeling and the significance of the person they've lost. Taking the time to personalize your message shows that you genuinely care and are there to support them.
Writing a sympathy card is an opportunity to offer comfort and support during a challenging time. By avoiding these five common pitfalls, you can ensure that your words convey sincerity and compassion. Remember that each person's grief is unique, so it's crucial to be sensitive and understanding. Expressing your heartfelt condolences in a thoughtful manner can provide much-needed solace to those who are grieving.
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