Etiquette experts agree that it's important for guests to bring a small gift when visiting someone's home. Guests usually bring something like a bottle of wine, flowers, or a dessert, but sometimes they might ask if they should bring something else.
When you get this question, it's important to be aware of the unspoken rules. Here's a list of the most rude things you can ask guests to bring to your home, as advised by these experts.
Don't Ask Your Guests to Bring the Essential Items
As a host, it's your responsibility to provide everything that is essential to your party. This means that you should provide everything from the main course of your dinner party to a bottle of champagne for your New Year's Eve event. “If asked, a host should only request that a party guest bring accompaniments,” suggests Sharon-Frances Moore, the owner of social etiquette company Shances. This means that you can ask your guests to bring a side dish, a backup dessert, or flowers. However, if you are super close with your guests, it's okay to ask them to bring a fully cooked turkey to Thanksgiving at your home.
Avoid Asking for Food That Requires Cooking
It's important to avoid asking your guests to bring the food that still needs cooking. “To ask them to bring uncooked meat, chicken, or fish forces them to arrive first,” says Max Tucci, entertaining expert and author of The Delmonico Way. This can be inconvenient for your guests, especially if they are traveling long distances to get to your party. Also, there are health risks involved since raw meats can produce toxins that cause foodborne illness.
Don't Nitpick On the Type of Item Your Guests Bring
When you ask your guests to bring something to your home, don't nitpick on the type of item they buy. It's perfectly fine to suggest that they bring a bottle of wine or a six-pack of beer to share, but asking for a specific brand or type of drink is crossing the line. “It can make guests feel like their contribution isn't good enough and can create an awkward situation if they're unable to find the requested item,” warns Suman Kumar Sahni, certified relationship expert and co-founder of Mood Fresher. If you want something specific, get it yourself.
Avoid Requests That Make Your Guests Uncomfortable
It's important to avoid requests that could make your guests uncomfortable. For instance, it would be disrespectful to ask a guest to bring alcohol if they are in recovery from alcohol addiction. Adina Mahalli, MSW, family therapist for Maple Holistics warns that “such a request could undermine their progress, create feelings of exclusion or embarrassment, and strain the trust within the relationship.” Instead, ensure that they feel included and supported by asking for non-alcoholic items.
Avoid Asking for Inconvenient Items
Your guests might live far away, and it might be an inconvenience to ask them to bring specific items. Avoid asking for a special loaf of bread from a bakery halfway across town or requesting a carton of ice cream that could melt on the way. “To make a guest have to hurry to get the party so the ice cream doesn't melt is simply rude and inconsiderate,” advises Tucci. Other melt-prone items like ice fall into this category, too.
Don't Ask for Cash
You should avoid asking for cash directly since it can make guests uncomfortable. Instead, suggest that your guests contribute to a shared expense like drinks or lodging, or ask each guest to bring an item such as cups or napkins. Or you could opt for a potluck party where everyone brings a dish to share.
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